I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
