you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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