I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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