i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm passing your future prison.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
