I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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