why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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