smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
