dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
