Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
