I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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