I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
