Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
