Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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