I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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