you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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