My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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