I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize