So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
