No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize