how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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