Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
