from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
