Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize