Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
