So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
