ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
