if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize