this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
