Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you would pick up someone in the library
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
