The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
