My friends, they love my intelligence
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
last night I used snow as a chaser
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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