im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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