would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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