i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
