just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
