i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
