You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
