Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
