it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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