The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When are your genitals available?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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