so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
