i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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