hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
