The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
