holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize