Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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