I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
