3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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