How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
