Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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