Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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