Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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