remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
