i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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