I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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