he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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