Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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