turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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