I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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