Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
