I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think my vagina is haunted
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
