Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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